Ah, sweet Planetarians. You’ve been a patient bunch – I can’t believe it’s been nearly a week since my last post. My darling Dad is still in hospital. Somehow. The many weeks of this hellish rollercoaster of emotions are now proving very wearing on all of us, especially my Mum. In the week or so since I wrote this post, life has continued in the same bizarre fashion. The nurses have never been able to forecast Dad’s life expectancy more than 24 hours ahead. So we continue to get up each day, not knowing what it will bring.
I take the pixies into visit Dad occasionally as I have to help guide them through this process we call dying. They need to be part of the experience, too. I feel the dying of the light is drawing near.
I’d like to take you all into my confidence, if you don’t mind, and explain why I’m *blogging through it* all.
As long-time readers know, my Dad’s health has been in decline for many months now, especially in recent weeks. He struggled to make it to his 75th birthday party with steely determination. I know he was definitely holding out for us to move into our new home. He’s now been in hospital (his second stint in recent months) for 5 weeks. But the end is near.
Trying to stop blogging
A month ago, I wrote this post and fully expected I would retreat from Blogland for an indefinite period to ensure I could savour every moment with Dad and really concentrate on the most important things in my life, without distraction. My doctors had recommended it and I fully concurred with their view. As did Mr PB. I was so touched and moved by your extraordinary expressions of support and empathy about my announcement. So, everything sorted out, I stopped blogging.
For a short while, anyway.
I dropped my posting to about once a week or so. It felt right. I still continued reading your posts in my Google Reader. I tried to comment on your blogs less (a hard task, for those who know me well!).
Missing you all
But you know what? I missed you all too much! I also found that blogging was providing me with a constant in a time of turmoil , like a comforting warm rug I could pull around myself to ward off the cold and sadness.
I wanted to keep up with all your goings-on. You are all so much part of my life now that ceasing contact felt horrid. I craved your interaction which you all so generously provide. Endlessly.
The support I’ve received from you
And do you want to know the weirdest thing? The support I have received from you, my bloggy friends, has far exceeded that from any other quarter. Hmmm, I'm letting that one go through to the 'keeper as we cricket tragics say!
Not only have you commented on my posts with such gorgeous displays of empathy and caring but you’ve also:
- Emailed me with messages containing such kindness of heart and spirit, encouraging me to keep going;
- Sent me care packages, often containing precious handmade goodies, made just for me and by you;
- Sent me regular text messages of support and encouragement (one of you in particular – you know who you are, you precious friend); and
- Met with me and/or offered to do so (thanks to the Hobart locals) whenever and wherever I want to.
Mr PB and I have talked through the whole concept of my *blogging through it*. I wondered if I should, whether it was distracting me too much from focussing on what was really important in my life. Right now.
He thinks I should keep going as it gives me pleasure and is a welcome distraction from the painful stage of limbo we’re now enduring. He has been completely overwhelmed by the care and love you have all shown me.
Neither of us ever saw that coming.
It also provides a sense of normalcy in a time of uncharted waters for me. I need that. And I think Dad would want me to keep doing what makes me happy.
What does *blogging through it* mean?
That said, I still have to exercise better self-care by following my bloggy rehab rules more. So that means:
- Earlier nights;
- Following less blogs (now down to 247 as opposed to the 532 I blew out to a while ago! I still need to cull a few more.);
- Commenting on your posts less (please bear with me – it’s only a temporary thing!); and
- Maybe not responding to your every comment both on the post itself as well as by email (for those who have linked their email address to their Blogger profile – see here if you want to learn how to do that).
Does that make sense to you? I guess everyone has to work out what feels right for them in such circumstances.
It doesn’t mean that I will provide you with up-to-the-minute commentary. Or share private details and moments.
But it does mean that I’m still around in Blogland. Know that I treasure and value every comment, email and letter sent to me, even although I may not respond in my usual timely fashion. I figure there’ll be time for proper thankyous afterwards.
And on that note, it’s 10.42 pm so I’d better post this and dash to bed (thank goodness for our electric blanket on this chilly Hobart winter night!). I hope you’re all enjoying your weekend. Good night!